Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Happy Halloween




From Some Video Game Guy, A Spider Loving Ballerina, and Captain Jack Sparrow arrrrrrr.
Be safe. Mahalo.





Monday, October 29, 2007

Digikids



"Digikids" was the original title of this page but it just didn't work. I tried different alphas and fonts but couldn't get comfortable with any. I kept searching and tapped out a symphony on the mouse as I waited impatiently for the computer to process but it was worth it. I love this page. Hard to believe our daughter has been using computers for over 4 years! The digital age is upon us.


Mahalo

This much


"Mommy, I love you this much!" said by my youngest with his arms stretched out as far as they could go. "How much do you love me?" he asks. I stretch one arm above my head the other down towards the floor. "How much is that? A lot?" "Yes, baby, a lot." "That's good 'cause I love you, too."

If I had to show a measurement of what I feel when he talks to me like that I'd embrace the world, I'd reach to the nearest star, or maybe the furthest star (is there a "furthest star"?) It feels like my heart gets that big when I'm proud of my kids or when I go in to see their sleeping faces. Does the universe exist inside of me? Sometimes, I suppose. Other times I feel as small as a grain of sand, or even a dust particle on that grain of sand. I try to shrink away like a wisp of smoke. I guess it's good to be fluid in my feelings, to have these ranges of self-perceived volume. If I didn't go from mood to mood, from a galaxy to a grain, then I would be ever present as the same chunk, rigid in mind, rigid in space. I want to take up space and then be space. Hey now, I'm not an airhead.
Ok, so I've been a bit of a downer lately. I would love to come up with quicky snipits that have you rolling on the floor. I would like to do that thing where you put your head upside down and dress up your chin and mouth like some funky face puppet and chatter away, licking my lips with an alien tongue. I'd like to remember jokes after I hear them so I could put them here for all to enjoy (mind like a sieve). How about languid commentary on the life of the word "peepee" or a song and dance dedicated to farts? That would set my kids off, for sure! Oh well, I'll have to wait for the moment to hit me again. How big is patience?
Mahalo.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Breathe deep


Take a deep breath, this isn't going to hurt. Yea, right. If I take a breath and try to relax during those few precious moments I am not surrounded by kids then the guilt for trying to relax begins to dispell my peace. I know I need to take care of myself and if that means I need a break that should be ok. Why does it sometimes not feel that way? Are mothers supposed to be chained to their children? Oooh, that sounds harsh. Not chained so much as never getting a break. A break, what a minute, a break from one's own children, to whom you gave birth willingly and have charge over for the rest of their lives. How can there be a break? How can there be a breath that isn't taken in for consideration of living for your children? Vicious circle. But I take my moments and I literally mean take. I tell or ask someone to wisk those kiddos away and weekends are usually the days when I do that the most. And yet weekends are the times when there is so much going on, things to do and see, as a family. How's that circle doing? Weekends are also the time when Daddy's home, for the most part, and ergo it's free babysitting. Ok, not free and not babysitting, but he is someone who loves them as much as I do and they love to spend time with him. But he is also someone who's been working all week and perhaps needs his own break so there's that guilt again. During the week after 9p usually all the kids are sleeping so isn't that "time to myself"? It could be were it not for a cough, a nightmare, a wet bed, a remembered assignment, dishes to be done, picking up areas where little feet are not, laundry, planning for the next day. Usually the first child isn't up before 7am so could dawn be used for me? HECK NO I don't do mornings, much less early mornings. How can I stop feeling cheated from my own life, my own space? I didn't think I signed up to lose myself along the way as I raised my own children. I do communicate my needs, not that they always get met. I do reach out for issues important to me and scrape up tidbits of time for Stephanie Stuff. I do realize that my kids aren't wild animals ready to face the world on their own soon after birth (wouldn't that be hilarious!) I guess all of this is why some parents run away. I'm not running, I'm side-stepping, doing the hokey pokey to distract the masses from my booboo face. All's not lost. I am here.

Mahalo.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Six days? At least it's not been a week ;-)


Darn, I keep meaning to do things then next thing I know it's days later. I missed calling my dear cousin yesterday, on her actual birthday, so I will call today but it's just not the same. My love is the same but yesterday would have been better. I need to pay attention! My friend Jess says to not let life come at me but to direct it. She's so right. Time to stand up.

Happy Birthday Wendy!!!!! My cousin's one of the smartest, more kind-hearted people I know. She's beautiful, has beautiful daughters, a loving husband and we really enjoy spending time together...which is harder to schedule now days but again, time to stand up and make it happen.



I wanted to share some quotes I found on Bunny's website. She creates beautiful graphic designs for digital scrapbooking. She recently found herself struggling against discrimination. It's a terrible thing. Please read, think, enjoy.

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. ~e.e. cumming

If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise. ~Johann von Goethe

There is just one life for each of us: our own. ~Euripides

If you are ashamed to stand by your colors, you had better seek another flag. ~Author Unknown
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. ~Dr. Seuss
It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not. ~Andre Gide

http://digital-scrapbooking.org/bunnys-blog/2007/10/25/what/#comment-1386


Aloha and mahalo.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Scary dwelling

My younger two and I decorated the outside of our house yesterday. What a thrill to have that feeling of excitement for a holiday again! Some years I am just "blah" and the boxed decorations just sit in storage. This year I've been inspired by our neighbors around town. There are some great yards already set up for Halloween. The kids love stopping and pointing out all the little details and I was open to their enthusiasm. I can't put my finger on why I bounce around year to year on whether I want to participate in holidays but this year we are on our way to a spooky look and it's fun! Giant spider webs, a tombstone, a scarecrow, rats, and "scary eyes" on the windows. Today I'll dig out our old decorations and add some spiders to the webs, and replace our "Welcome" sign (all sticky sweet with metal scrolled heart shapes) with a witch on her broom. Costumes are taken care of, one will be a butterfly and the other Captain Jack. My older son is going to be some obscure character from a video game but at least he still wants to participate. I remember being in middle school and the charm had faded a bit. The last year my friend and I dressed up we didn't put much thought into our costumes so the overall event of trick-or-treating was met equally at each door with a lack of enthusiasm. We didn't have heavy bags by the end of the evening and my mood was mixed feeling of failure and being out of my element. I had passed beyond the mindset of creativity and joy to reward, and it was not rewarding. In my late teens and early twenties I participated in All Hallow's Eve in a new way, trying to be "sexy", and that wasn't easy with my self-esteem issues but I can look back and see I was pretty rockin back then! Now when I feel like dressing up it's the young child in me wanting to temporarily live in a fantasy world, one where you don't care what others think of you and if you get laughs at how you look, so much the better. Oh, and embarrassing my older son just doubles my fun! If you come to visit, don't be afraid of our scary dwelling. See it with your child eyes. Touch the webs and screech as you jump back with wide eyes, laughing at yourself. Weave your walk from side to side putting as much space between you and the tombstone as you can because you just know it moved slightly, didn't it? Ring the bell, but don't play Ditch, hold out your bag for treats. We're glad you came! Mahalo.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Stupid alarm clock


This morning my youngest counted the minutes, intently watching the numbers change on the clock and naming each change. "It's 7:26. It's 7:27. It's 7:28." When you have no concept of time I guess it's fun to watch the display but when you know you should have been up 20 minutes ago and now have that much less time before you have to do all you need to do before leaving to drop off at school and you're tired and you don't want to get up at all...well, then all you can do is smile at the cute little voice being excited at each new number. A couple years ago when my oldest son got to take a bus to school it was like heaven to me. Still in my jammies and halfway back to bed I'd wave goodbye, have a nice day honey. That reminds me, I'm going to call the district office about bussing again. It's "green", ya know.

Mornings haven't really ever come easy for me from what I remember. I had anxieties over clothes in my school years and remember my mom honking form me to get the heck into the car or I'd be late. At work I did well for a certain number of years but if I could shave off a couple minutes here or there, I did. I would stay late at work, not a problem (unless it was my commuting days).

Thank goodness for coffee these days. That little pot of Dark Brown Gold. It smells so good, it tastes so good. Just right for the morning resistor - me. A friend of mine sent me coffee she picked up while on Kaua'i, can you imagine my delight? Hawaiian coffee in my Hilo Hattie coffee cup?? Nuttin' bedda. Karen, Mahalo!!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

In honor of yesterday's Blog Action Day

What happened to yesterday? Whooosh. I wish I had done as I should have (some days are like that!) but I still have plenty to talk about in the "Green" department, saving the Earth and yadda yadda.


Ok, I'm back and thrilled to share with you something I will soon be very involved in:




Woohoo! Mahalo!

Sunday, October 14, 2007

His smile gets me everytime


The thing is, he knows that I fall for the smile, the batting eyes, the hug, "Mommy". How can I be such a mush? That's not me, I don't like sappy movies, I don't like floral drapes, I don't make school lunches (they can buy theirs, thank you very much). But oh yea, the boy can play me. He can calm me with his honesty and lift me with his pride. When he dances or sings, thinking that I'm not looking but you bet I sneak up to watch, my heart goes pitter patter. Sometimes I'm supposed to be watching TV but instead I'm staring at him. If he catches me he'll ask "What?!" but what can I say? He'll have to be a parent himself one day in order to understand. He's my baby, or as we call him "Baby Huey" as he's taller than us. I remember his feet being as big as my thumb and now they're as big as my forearm. The wispy haired independent laughing toddler is still visible to me when I glance his way, as is fun loving dinosaur inspired kiddo of elementary school years. I'm still getting used to the large package that all my memories are jumbled into; he grew quickly over a seemingly short period but once he was close to my height it seemed time sped up and now I can't look him straight in the eyes - I have to look up! He was born with a calmness which has permeated our relationship so that it's never he and I that have problems, it's something on the outside that affects us. I've asked for his help, rubbing my shoulders in bad traffic or letting me have some space when I'm stressed, and he's gladly stepped up for me. If only household chores would be so easy for him! I'll take the teenager back-talk, the messy room, the late homework, the stinkiness, the current lack of enthusiasm for family outings, I will take it all because he's given me years of selfless love, leaning hugs, holding of hands, listening and talking. I have no doubt that his smile has positively influenced my life and those who have ever seen his smile. He's a bright light.....ok, I'm not going to cry, I'm not...

Fine....crying for joy. He got me again! Mahalo.

She sells seashells


I'd never sell my seashells. I've collected many on my walks on beaches, along with sea glass, rocks, driftwood. Sometimes I take things home in the way of photographs. I love using the close-up feature and getting down on the level of the seaweed draped over a rock or to look a sea anenome "in the eye". The salt stays with me during the drive home, stuck to my skin as a fragrant reminder of my visit. Sand inevitably creeps into crevices and sneaks into the car, my pockets, my hair, under my nails, and sometimes even gives me the gritty grinding sound inside my head because it's in my teeth - hunh? Yep. I drink in the scene, I suppose! What would I do if I couldn't escape to the coast? It makes me humble, it calms my nerves, it's the ultimate eye candy with saltwater fragrance. I like to write in the wet sand with a stick or my toe, identifying myself or my love or just writing anything to watch it be swept over by the next lapping wave. If I'm brave I'll actually let the water touch my skin and then I'll yelp at the cold but I'm smiling. I can definitely laugh at myself, purposefully getting wet, sticky, and cold. There's no issue to me in sitting down and letting the beach life happen around me. Jumpy little critters may cause me to scratch my ankles or brush my arms but as long as I can still focus on the scenery I'm happy to share the space. The screech of gulls, the glint of sun on the water, the rushing sound of waves, the light scratching sound of footsteps on wet sand, they fill my head and push out the "should haves", "you ought to's", "don't think you can's".
I'm coastal. Mahalo.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Chocolate is good

Yes, I have a chance to meet the actor who played Mike Tee Vee in Willy Wonka (the original, of course), and get a free Wonka Bar. HOW COOL IS THAT?!

I love nostalgia. I like old things. I think old people are cute (no Dad, you're just good lookin'). I like "retro" and "vintage" and "classics". I bought the Willy Wonka video many years ago and now my daughter loves it. She knows when I call her Varuca that she'd better shape up. Ok, so it means she'll just argue with me about how she's totally not being Varuca, but you get my point. We each have our favorite parts, she'll forward through the "boring part" with the mom singing and I'll sing loudly with the Oompa Loompas. It's great to share my childhood with my kids.

Oh yea, and chocolate is good. Mahalo.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Ooooo



Halloween's coming up! I have so many favorite costume memories over the years, for me and my kids. I can't wait to smell that plastic bucket full of sweet sugary goodness, and save my kids from it all by testing and finishing most of it. They're worth it.

Going to get the pumpkin, whether on the field where it grew or a small lot with hay strewn about, it's always a good time finding just the right one. Those giant squash talk to you, whisper to you from down the way and you have to pick up a bunch to confirm which one it is, and when you find it you both know so then it knows it's going home with you and changing its name to Jack. Happy? Sad? Frightening? The face hasn't been decided just yet, but the name still fits.

It's raining, it's pouring. I don't want to get up in the morning. I love the night life, baby. Yea, you know the one I'm talking about, the one with the keys, the tapping, the voyeur attitude, getting to be whoever you want to be in the great big space. Are you a photographer, writer, artist, researcher, or evil lab technician? Ha! Like that last one? Happy Halloween! Mahalo.

Done




It was my goal to make one page for each of my kids tonight. Done. Doing a tap dance. Shaking my booty. Cha cha cha!

I made these three pages thanks to a wonderful site and its direction to many talented artists:
Mahalo a nui loa!!






Monday, October 8, 2007

I'm bummed


Another pair of super comfy funky flip flops bites the dust. This time I noticed the right flop (as opposed to the left flip) was tearing around the toe thingy, but because there is not yet any feeling of ground to foot, they are still my preferred backyard footwear. Darn, it's October so who's still selling cute flipflops? I'm sorry to already be replacing this pair in my mind; their warm browns mixed with subtle and bright blues and greens and a couple beads along the top. Surely there must be some way to reuse what's left after I wear them down and walk right out of them. I'm rubbing the bottoms of my feet on the soft pads right now, on the patina of old steps, ahhhhh. Can anyone tell me if duct tape will keep them together for just a little bit longer? I'm not ashamed of my love. Mahalo.

He really is!


Sunday, October 7, 2007

Draw with me


I wish we could all sit down and take that deep down relaxing breath at the same time. I love sitting outside and listening to everything going on from the birds to the neighbors. There is no one next to me, eyes scanning the high branches for signs of wind, willing to share a look when there is a really, really big gust of wind, the kind that makes you hold your breath when you smile at it. Nope, it was a personal moment today.


Whatever, sometimes I just need to take a breather and too bad if it's during the dinnertime rush of adrenline as soon as stomachs begin to crave and energy begins to peak....and nerves begin to fray-oh that's just me. I ee this, this thing coming on and I don't want to be in the thick of it when it takes over, like the twister in Kansas, the one that swooped up that poor girl and her little dog, too. No missing out on the cellar for me, no indeed! I'll be off to more colorful pastures down the way, very much ahead of time, thank you very much. What? I can't know the future? I can only assume that this dinnertime peak will not repeat as or be in the shadow of the bedtime peak? I'm still taking my time out, mahalo a nui loa.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Get your laugh on



Laughing here!! J2 just walked into the room with a kids' shopping cart on his head and has the nerve to tell me to stop laughing. Then he takes it off and says "Your turn!" Another roll on the floor for me!!! I love getting my laugh on by 4yo antics during the day.
"Peanut butter an' san'wich" (the page above, he knows jelly is in the sandwiches but "jelly" as a word was not deemed important enough for his sandwich naming. Oh yea, that's his own hairdo idea.)

"You put gas in the car so it will be un-out of gas." (logical, love it)

"How old am I?" (every day he asks this and every day he smiles and laughs and agrees when I tell him he's four)

"Is it time to go get my big sister?" (he asks as we head out the door to do an errand, having been home for a mere 10 minutes after dropping her at school)

"I'm Superman!" (having put the costume on upside down with his head in a leg, arm in the other leg, his legs in the arms, flapping the extra material around while sitting on the floor because of course he can't get up)

"There's a fish in here" (I handed him a cup of water so I guess that's his new "thank you")

If you don't have a 4yo at home, go hang out at the park and listen in. Get your laugh on! Mahalo

Helping out because I was asked to...



Katie The Scrapbook Lady is having a sale! Please go to her site and support her beautiful creations!!

http://www.scrapbookladydesigns.com/

Check out her blog, too...

http://scrapbooklady.typepad.com/katie_the_scrapbook_lady/

Mahalo

Ink me

I'm searching for a shop to edit/complete and/or redo my wrist band. I had a great concept when I went in all those years ago, and I spoke the art to the guy with the needle and we came up with a great design. Unfortunately I was too new to realize he was too new and I consider it a bit of a botched job. I receive compliments on it but I've never been 100% happy with how it turned out; too thick here, too thin there. So yea, I'm shopping around. I'll be adding a tropical look to the sun, moon, and stars and I'm excited about it. The cost will have to be saved up but that's fine, it's been years, no rush, it'll happen. I've been watching LA Ink and am so impressed with the artists' work that I'm taking my time so that I walk away satisfied.

My other tat is hardly shown, and it can be like that for the first one. It's hidden or too small. Sure enough! I suppose I would like something added to it, for more of a peek out as it can be a dark circle under some tops and that's just funky looking to me. More! Ink me. Mahalo.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Slide

I put a slide show up top to show you some of my digi pages. I'm compiling a list of the artists whose graphics I've used so if you're interested in digital scrapbooking you can expand your collection. I love love love making pages and I'm so glad I can do it all on the computer without taking over the table with scraps of paper, ribbons, buttons, stickers, small little doodads and thingamabobs. No more binders or bins to capture it all, no more chasing down my daughter when she snatches a piece or worrying about clean up if I don't finish a page in one day. No more walking into a store and spending way too much on single use items, or thinking that I need to save labels, waist strings from sweats on their way to be cut up into rags. But it's been a good lesson over time for my kids. My daughter thinks that finding things on the ground is like coming across treasure, from small tile to leaves to a perfect rock. My older son has done many a pick up with me and been happy with my free finds. My younger son loves to "shop" the world (Can we buy this stick, please? Sure, it's yours. Yay!) Enjoy the slide show. Mahalo.

October....already?

J1 circa 2001 - S Kline 01

I wonder what Fall is like on the Islands? Ok, enough dreaming, back to reality. I've been disconnected for a couple days, no cell, not much online, and it really "took me away." I love reaching out but sometimes my personal lifeline snaps me back hard and I need to have some time off (and that snap stings!) Time to regroup, to breathe through something I pushed myself into, dot my i's and cross my t's, then just stop doing. This can worry some people but it's never been an option for me, it just happens. I don't mean to be rude or flakey so I hope no one takes it that way. When I'm nursing the welt from the snap, I tune out to daily doings, my universe becomes spotlighted and only necessities are addressed, and sometimes not even those. Thank goodness I have a partner in my life who picks up the slack (upon demand, but hey, he's there for me). Where would we be without that balancing person in our life? Sometimes when you're down remember to look up and see who's sitting at the other end of the teeter-totter, smile for him/her. Your turn is next and that person will help you get there.

October: a family birthday, colder weather, leaves turning, costumes, pumpkins, harvest, apples, moist air, beautiful clouds, that much closer to the holiday season. I am so happy that we just passed our one year "anniversary" at our home. How fun to take pics now and compare the kids to last year when we first got here. (And look at the pic I posted - my number one son back in Oh-One, so cute!) It certainly doesn't feel like a year, but the ups and downs helped make the ride less boring so I guess I wasn't focused on time. October it is! Mahalo.